first draft

(ignore the grammatical errors and spelling mistakes for now, this is a first draft)
my opening page for the narrative design piece i'm working on.
A  narrative that fits around the plot and structure of the Borderlands video game series'.

where did it all go wrong?
I came to this planet 15 years ago, just a boy, starry eyed, soon to be a man, lusting for adventure
Pandora was an uncharted gold mine at that point. The bounty she promised drove wanderers mad with desire
a treacherous and unforgiving wasteland, offering gold and treasure beyond belief to those skilled
and daring enough to excavate the caverns and crevices
that run like veins beneath her skin.
i first came here with my pa, a bumpkin from a broken home, no prospects and no money. he carried me on his back most of my life, like all before him
Pandora had laid out her carpet of enticement, whispers of gemstones, precious metals and catacombs ripe for exploration. it wasn't long before we'd made a modest
home for ourselves, it was lookin to be the life i'd always dreamed of, treasure, adventure, a whirlwind of wanderlust, just me and my daddy.
i dont need to bore you with the details for you to know it certainly didn't work out like that. when does it ever?
long story short i ain't seen my pappy in 6 years, didn't even see him go.
this planet was not built for camaraderie or companionship, it was built by the gods alright but it's no Valhalla.
As i grew i continued my pappy's work, reaping the bounty of the lands, and paying almost in equal.
settlements had begun to pop up, i'd sell what i found to wandering travellers, exotic mercantiles the likes of which i'd never
before had the fortune of looking upon, the plethora of produce they had collected, the wares on display came ina menagerie
of colours, bright enough to rival the plumage of Pandora! I loved spending my days in the dark crevices and caves fetching the finery that kept
these men in business, but being given the opportunity to spy upon their silver and gold, knick knacks, oddities and
unique finds, this remained the highlight, this was what kept me working my fingers to the bone.
well, coupled with the handsome penny i salvaged from it.
every night, you could spy more and more camp-fires on the horizon, a feeble string of fairy lights encrusting the blackened cliff-side
blinking pathetically underneath the stars.
this is just the beginning, an elderly native would tell me, hundreds of years ago, they say a refugee space shuttle touched down on pandora, immigrating from
a planet that had become.. inhospitable..
they found pandora, or perhaps pandora found them, after what seemed like endless months of searching. a small colony was established there,
due to the harsh nature of the planet, living conditions were poor and many ended up meeting with their early demise. the population dwindled until eventually
so few were left that their existence became a myth among travellers and plunderers that came to pandora over the years. However some miraculously thrived
driven into a nomadic existence, they floated about the painted deserts and graced the effervescent glaciers, never leaving so much as a footprint behind them
they became little more than extensions of the land.
You hear a lot of sporadic and strange rumours circulating these parts, humans will invent any ridiculous story to scare scavengers away from their bounty.
but there are some tales that have their validity, some that are so intricately structured and eerie you just, know.
this is just the beginning, more will come, and when they do, they'll be bringin' with them an evil that'll blast a hole right through 'er, our beautiful pandora
will open up a shit-storm, and with it we'll be seein' some darker days, darker 'n you 'n' i have ever dreamt o' seein'.